Anything but lonely
Anything but empty rooms
There's so much in life to share
What's the sense when no one else is there?
Long, even breaths. Silence. Some vague concentration on the spell that disguised his presence. Chichiri spent a long moment simply gazing at the young woman dozing limply next to him. He reveled in the way her long auburn hair draped across her graceful shoulders, in the curve of a tender breast only half-hidden by the thin sheet, of the soft warm breath from her sleeping form that still caressed his skin. This was definately one of the stupider things he'd ever done.
Not that he regretted it. Not at all.
He'd first been drawn by the sound of someone crying. It hadn''t sounded like Miaka, and he'd throught at first that it was her friend Yui. He'd meant to go try and talk sense into her.
He had not expected to see the lightning-throwing Seiryuu Seishi Soi, huddled against the temple wall in only the thin silks she wore beneath her armour, sobbing her broken heart into her hair. He hadn't anticipated the clench of his heart at the sight, or the vague ache that settled into the pit of his stomach. He'd told himself he'd gone to comfort her out of duty, that even if they were enemies, he was responsible for helping those who hurt.
"What's wrong, Soi no da?"
She looked up at him, tears welling in her almond eyes and streaking her cheeks, the naked vulnerability on her face erasing years from her age. Chichiri was abruptly aware that she was younger than he.
Stunned, she half-raised her hand, and electricity crackled between her fingerips. Then she stopped, just as suddenly, and just dragged the hand across her face to wipe the tears away. "What are you doing here?"
Chichiri was never given to lying, and saw no reason to start now. "I heard you crying," he answered.
Soi stared at him for several heartbeats while he stood motionless and watched disbelief chase several other emotions across her face. Finally the dark diamond eyes widened and she whispered, "You're serious, aren't you?"
Chichiri nodded. Soi reached out her hand, and he pulled her to her feet.
Her confession seemed to surprise herself more than him. "I'm so lonely," she said.
Anything but lonely
Anything but only me
Quiet years in too much space
That's the thing that's hard to face
She'd led him to a room deep in the temple grounds, and he'd followed with a trust that surprised himself. They were born enemies, after all. But the ache in his gut twisted his stomach into knots again. He could remember the last time someone had had this effect on him, but he couldn't count back to it. Her smell and the brush of her hand were poignant reminders to the monk that he was more human than he usually cared to admit. By the time she drew him inside, he hoped she didn't notice his hands were trembling.
He'd really meant just to talk with her. That was what Chichiri was good for. He listened to people's problems, offered whatever insight he could on the subject, and trusted Suzaku that they'd find the wisdom to solve their troubles on their own. He hadn't counted on the heartbreaking isolation in her face, or the aching need that welled within his own body when she touched him.
After all, he was lonely too.
And...
You have the right to go
But you should also know
That I won't be alone for long
Long days with nothing said
Are not what lie ahead
I'm sorry but I'm not that strong
Resting prone, half under her sheet, more relaxed than she could remember being, Soi could feel the monk's gaze on her, and didn't move. She wasn't ready yet to admit to being awake. She was still reliving the events of the last...how long? Two hours, perhaps? Such a short time to change so much. Her heart hurt. Funny, she hadn't realised it was still there.
It had begun when she overheard Nakago and Yui.
"Nakago? Do you love me?"
A pause. A pause she was only too familiar with. But then, he spoke.
"Yes."
It didn't matter that she knew he was lying. Nakago was no longer capable of loving anyone; he wouldn't let himself. What she shared with him was the closest thing to love he allowed himself. He was gentle with her body and brutally honest with her heart.
Sometimes she wished it otherwise. If he could have only given that false "Yes" to her, she could have deluded herself into believing it. Maybe it was sad that by now, that was all she would ask for.
She'd left the temple and found a spot isolated enough to cry. Crying was not becoming to a Seiryuu Seishi--Suboshi was the only one who allowed himself the luxury, and the rest of them all thought less of him for it. Soi never had. She was jealous of his freedom. The boy might be an emotional cripple, but at least he admitted to feeling them.
She'd heard a voice, soft, melodic, a little sad. "What's wrong, Soi no da?"
She looked up, and saw the blue-haired Suzaku warrior standing above her. She'd thought it was a trap at first, but she couldn't bring herself to throw the lightning that pooled in her hand. Maybe he meant it, enemy or not. And Soi was so desparate for a friendly face that she'd taken a chance.
She felt the bed move as he lay down again, draping one arm over her shoulders to brush his fingertips once across her back. Tears sprung to her eyes, behind closed lids, but she maintained the illusion of peaceful slumber until she heard his breathing even out into an easy, dozing rhythm.
She sighed, opened her eyes. He was so beautiful. She drew a finger down the length of the scar that closed one eye, not quite touching. She was still in wonder of it.
"Soi--wait. I have to show you something." He stepped back, away from the questing hands that were setting his body ablaze. She hadn't known what to expect, so she had stopped and waited. He ducked his head to the side, raising one hand to a spot near his ear. There was a quick flash before he turned back to her, not looking at her, his gaze fixed awkwardly on the floor. Soi stepped forward, took his face in her hands, finally noticing how he trembled under her touch. She touched the marred, leathery skin with her lips, and Chichiri melted into her, pulled her against him desparately.
Why, Soi, wondered, could a complete stranger and born enemy offer her such complete trust, and yet the one she'd dedicated herself to so long ago could keep his heart so impassably barred? She could beg Nakago to take off his armour for her, and he would refuse her anything but the physical merging of their bodies. Without her even asking, Chichiri had shown her everything he had. The conflict warring in her heart was uncomfortable and confusing.
Is it possible to love more than one person?
Can I love Nakago and still give him up?
And the even more unpleasant--Am I being stupid? Should I be having these thoughts after one afternoon?
Ah, but even after the misery that had been her life, Soi had a talent for loving completely. It was probably the saddest thing about her.
She leaned in closer, to brush her lips across the mouth of the man sleeping next to her.
Anything but lonely
Anything but passing time
Lonely's what I'll never be
While there's still some life in me
Her kiss woke him again. He wanted to cry. Was it not the dream of every ordinary man in the world to be awoken so? The ache had not dissipated, just moved upward to his heart. However beautiful this reprieve was, he knew it couldn't last. Outside this door--and soon inside it as well, if he didn't leave soon--there was still a war going on, and they were fighting on opposite sides.
He kissed her back, and pulled away. "I should go no da." He didn't have to feign the reluctance in his voice. He knew he might never have a chance to be this content again. He felt stronger than he had in years.
She knew it as well as he did. She nodded, cupping his face in her hand once more. "I know. Nakago will be looking for me soon."
Chichiri fought back the flurry of sensation that such a simple touch brought flooding over him. "Soi." He covered her hand with his, brought it gently to his lips. "Thank you." It wasn't near enough, but he didn't know what else to tell her. "I wish--"
She smiled, but despite the upward curve of her lips it was the saddest expression he'd ever seen. "I know. So do I."
And...
I'm still young, don't forget
It isn't over yet
So many hearts for me to thrill
If you're not here to say
How good I look each day
I'll have to find someone who will
They rose and dressed in the melancholy silence that had taken over the room. Soi paused in buckling her armour to watch Chichiri stare pensively at his hand, his fingers blurring, until the mask appeared out of the air.
"I like you better without it," she said honestly. She was rewarded with a flash of sorrowful gratitude on the monk's beautiful face, and the glitter of a tear in his one good eye, before he covered it with that smiling facade.
It was the tear that made her brave, responding to the vulnerability he'd shown her. "Chichiri...." She reached for his hand, stared at it as she laced her fingers through his. "I know what we have to do when we walk out that door. But...." She faltered.
He was staring at their entwined hands too. "What is it?"
What was she suggesting, and why was she letting herself think such things? The change wrought by one afternoon with an honest man was almost disturbing, but Soi embraced it. "Do you think...when all this is over...?" She left the question unspoken, but it echoed transparent in her tremulous voice.
Not even the magical mask could completely conceal Chichiri's surprise, but abruptly the smile was in his eyes, too. "I don't know no da." He kissed her impulsively. One last kiss, but she could feel the promise in it. "But I hope so."
The monk raised his fingers to his face. Soi watched as the air shimmered around him and he vanished from her room and her sight.
Chichiri could feel the heat of her eyes on him long after he reappeared with the Suzaku Seishi. The warmth that had infused his body took even longer to fade.
They both hoped it would all be over soon. They had something else to fight for now.
Anything but lonely
Anything but empty rooms
There's so much in life to share
What's the sense when no one else is there?